Thursday, January 31, 2008
When Translation Goes Awry
And when talking dictionaries and thesauri are used with reckless abandon...
The funniest or crazied thing I have ever seen or done. Actually, In my life don't always meet the funniest thing. One day, I went to Chiang Mai with my family about 3 years ago. We stayed at Jismin Hotel. In morning, They had breakfast which is so delicious. They ate these food heartily by unlimited eating. After that, they were interested at travel Suteb mountain by car. Suddenly, my sister started to have a stomach-ache after she felt to be impelled to evacuate the bowels. It will have not problem, if she were not on car. Suteb mountain's route hasn't toilet, jet and etc for discharging in body. I told her that she should be patient. Just 5 minutes, she could not do it. Suddenly, they smelt the bad-smelling. She obtained to discharge her bottom. Conclusion, it is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.
*Clearly, Gentlejerk 1 is not capable of such literary genius. This was in fact written by a 21 year old ESL student from Chachoengsao, Thailand.
The funniest or crazied thing I have ever seen or done. Actually, In my life don't always meet the funniest thing. One day, I went to Chiang Mai with my family about 3 years ago. We stayed at Jismin Hotel. In morning, They had breakfast which is so delicious. They ate these food heartily by unlimited eating. After that, they were interested at travel Suteb mountain by car. Suddenly, my sister started to have a stomach-ache after she felt to be impelled to evacuate the bowels. It will have not problem, if she were not on car. Suteb mountain's route hasn't toilet, jet and etc for discharging in body. I told her that she should be patient. Just 5 minutes, she could not do it. Suddenly, they smelt the bad-smelling. She obtained to discharge her bottom. Conclusion, it is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.
*Clearly, Gentlejerk 1 is not capable of such literary genius. This was in fact written by a 21 year old ESL student from Chachoengsao, Thailand.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Tales From the Banks of the Tonle Sap, Part III of III: Piss and Vinegar
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Friday, August 24, 2007
A Way To Not Be Killed By A Nuclear Warhead At Close Range
To execute this fantastic feat, you will need to collect a few materials:
1. A nuclear warhead (real)
2. 2 meters of string that you will tie to the manual trigger of the warhead.
3. A hot air balloon, fully fueled.
4. A wet suit and flippers
5. Neosporin
Bring all of your materials to the banks of a body of water in a sparsely populated area of a communist Asian country with cold weather. I like China.
Coat the entire back of your body (head, back, legs, arms) with a 5 to 10mm layer of Neosporin. Put on the flippers and wet suit without disturbing the Neosporin coating. Attach the string to the trigger of the nuclear warhead carefully. Inflate the hot air balloon and put the warhead in the basket. Get in the basket with the warhead.
Navigate the balloon to an area above the body of water with a depth of at least 10 meters. Position yourself standing on the edge of the basket, trigger string in hand, with your back to the warhead.
Leap head-first in a diving position off of the side of the hot air balloon basket and into the water, letting the string detonate the warhead behind you. The explosion should leave slight radioactive burns on your back as you near the water, which will cease to do any more damage upon submergence. Swim underwater using the flippers for enhanced speed no less than 50 meters from ground zero of the explosion so as to avoid additional radioactive effects, and come up for air.
If this didn't work, I would not be writing this. For I accomplished this TWICE! Twice in one week no less. After my second successful attempt at this feat, I entered my '83 Chevy station wagon and returned to my oversized 19th century Victorian mansion. My roommate, a Japanese man in his 30's who doesn't speak English, was waiting for me when I arrived with a concerned look on his face. When he realized my burns were not life-threatening, he went back to his electric keyboard and continued to compose his electro-Yanni masterpiece.
I walked into my bedroom in a funny sort of stride that minimized pain from my back burns - the type of stride one might use had one had a potato chip inside one's ass and was trying not to break it. It worked for me. I used a pair of long steel scissors to remove the tattered remains of my backless wet suit, took a quick rinse-off shower, and put some powder on my back and in my crevices. I spent the rest of the day in a bathrobe sitting cross-legged on the arm of a couch listening to my roommate's music in the dark (the inside of the mansion was always dark).
Psychiatrists, please analyze this dream that I had two nights ago. I'm scared.
1. A nuclear warhead (real)
2. 2 meters of string that you will tie to the manual trigger of the warhead.
3. A hot air balloon, fully fueled.
4. A wet suit and flippers
5. Neosporin
Bring all of your materials to the banks of a body of water in a sparsely populated area of a communist Asian country with cold weather. I like China.
Coat the entire back of your body (head, back, legs, arms) with a 5 to 10mm layer of Neosporin. Put on the flippers and wet suit without disturbing the Neosporin coating. Attach the string to the trigger of the nuclear warhead carefully. Inflate the hot air balloon and put the warhead in the basket. Get in the basket with the warhead.
Navigate the balloon to an area above the body of water with a depth of at least 10 meters. Position yourself standing on the edge of the basket, trigger string in hand, with your back to the warhead.
Leap head-first in a diving position off of the side of the hot air balloon basket and into the water, letting the string detonate the warhead behind you. The explosion should leave slight radioactive burns on your back as you near the water, which will cease to do any more damage upon submergence. Swim underwater using the flippers for enhanced speed no less than 50 meters from ground zero of the explosion so as to avoid additional radioactive effects, and come up for air.
If this didn't work, I would not be writing this. For I accomplished this TWICE! Twice in one week no less. After my second successful attempt at this feat, I entered my '83 Chevy station wagon and returned to my oversized 19th century Victorian mansion. My roommate, a Japanese man in his 30's who doesn't speak English, was waiting for me when I arrived with a concerned look on his face. When he realized my burns were not life-threatening, he went back to his electric keyboard and continued to compose his electro-Yanni masterpiece.
I walked into my bedroom in a funny sort of stride that minimized pain from my back burns - the type of stride one might use had one had a potato chip inside one's ass and was trying not to break it. It worked for me. I used a pair of long steel scissors to remove the tattered remains of my backless wet suit, took a quick rinse-off shower, and put some powder on my back and in my crevices. I spent the rest of the day in a bathrobe sitting cross-legged on the arm of a couch listening to my roommate's music in the dark (the inside of the mansion was always dark).
Psychiatrists, please analyze this dream that I had two nights ago. I'm scared.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Douchebag1 Loves Me
Go to the blog Hot Chicks with Douchebags.
Hilarious. Witty. Sharp. Original. Absurd!
Kind of reminds me of The Bangkok Gentlejerk Hideaway. If you go beyond the author's pen name, Douchebag1, you'll have trouble avoiding WILD similarities between his site and mine. By the way, my pen name is Gentlejerk 1. Maybe his came first. Doubt it.
I bet that scrote, douche, choad, taint, turd, and the prefix uber- have become vastly more significant search engine keywords than before, since the launch of HCwDB. I'll start burying doucherifically scrotal code to amp up my hitrate.
Douchebag1's use of commentary-worthy pictures with commentary is brilliant and flows from the muse. Not to fingerblast my own bunghole, but mine's not all that bad either.
The exposure of turds, be they Dr. Robert Vrijenhoek of the DSV Alvin, the Burmese Junta library bag check clerk or the decision-making SWD owner mongoloid, has driven me to write. Said inspiration is the lifeblood of Douchebag1.
If you explore his site, you'll notice that Douchebag1 writes haikus. I write haikus.
Can you think of any other similarities? Comment to me.
All things aside, he updates his site just about daily, has readers throwing content at him and probably has a million times more hits than my site every week. That's it! I'm adding him to my links.
Hilarious. Witty. Sharp. Original. Absurd!
Kind of reminds me of The Bangkok Gentlejerk Hideaway. If you go beyond the author's pen name, Douchebag1, you'll have trouble avoiding WILD similarities between his site and mine. By the way, my pen name is Gentlejerk 1. Maybe his came first. Doubt it.
I bet that scrote, douche, choad, taint, turd, and the prefix uber- have become vastly more significant search engine keywords than before, since the launch of HCwDB. I'll start burying doucherifically scrotal code to amp up my hitrate.
Douchebag1's use of commentary-worthy pictures with commentary is brilliant and flows from the muse. Not to fingerblast my own bunghole, but mine's not all that bad either.
The exposure of turds, be they Dr. Robert Vrijenhoek of the DSV Alvin, the Burmese Junta library bag check clerk or the decision-making SWD owner mongoloid, has driven me to write. Said inspiration is the lifeblood of Douchebag1.
If you explore his site, you'll notice that Douchebag1 writes haikus. I write haikus.
Can you think of any other similarities? Comment to me.
All things aside, he updates his site just about daily, has readers throwing content at him and probably has a million times more hits than my site every week. That's it! I'm adding him to my links.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Haikus From Home, Part V: Phatty Kind Veggie Avacado Hummus Wraps With Heady Salsa...Ummm
Phatty, kind veggie
Avacado hummus wraps
With heady salsa
Avacado hummus wraps
With heady salsa
*Wow. That was easy. Actually, I'm not the biggest fan of Phatty, kind veggie avacado hummus wraps with heady salsa, but as a former Phishead, the culinary delight deserved a shoutout. Let me counter with a genuine desire of mine, the almighty TK's Pizza of Fairport, NY. Guaranteed to be slammed within 24 hours of being stateside.
Haikus From Home, Part V.v: TK's Pizza (Pepperoni)
Burp.
Pepperoni - YEAH!
Craps all over hummus wraps
Dip the crust in Ranch
Craps all over hummus wraps
Dip the crust in Ranch
Burp.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Haikus From Home, Part IV: Sierra Nevada Pale Ales
Phatty, heady, dank,
The Sierra Nevada
Pale Ale is damn good
The Sierra Nevada
Pale Ale is damn good
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